Monday, August 11, 2008

Surging inspiration

Surging inspiration comes with a cost, a muse that will not come for free.

It's like a world passing you by, slowly swirling but never truly delving into anything.

With every slow step and dive you make, you find everything else swirling around you.


You fall in the ocean, it seeming calm from above, but the water droplets, just fly by you, just enough time to sink deep in your heart, but not enough time to stay there.


Sometimes you see the droplet heading for rough waters and you want to warn it, but it gets away too soon.

Other times you want to hold it close and have it forever, but it leaves you because you can't grasp it.

Then there is the droplet which delves deep into you, and disappears before you know it.
A shadow all your given, the true spirit hidden and flying away, in mere seconds.

Which hurts more? The one that accepts you but you can't accept it, or the one who shakes the fibers of your being and disappears?


Inspiration comes with a cost, a muse that does not come free.

The emotions evoked, come from a surge from within.

To be inspired or to be satisfied.

The inspired appreciates satisfaction more than the satisfied ever would.

But the satisfied yearns to be inspired, searching for it with every breath, not knowing the cost that comes with it.


So now, you the droplet have to decide.

Do you walk the paved road that sits in front of you, happiness never truly appreciated given to you at every stride?

Or do you search the woods around you for inspiration, finding it and straying from the path, possibly never to find satisfaction again.

If you start on the road, then survive the woods, you get the best of both worlds and appreciate every step you take on the paved road.

I've been lost between both for a long while, unable to grasp the road when i saw it, and so i journeyed through the woods for years, this blog ushering forth the inspiration.

Cuts, scars, bruises, and darkness, a forever longing, a never ending want of satisfaction.

And either the droplets flew past me leaving a bit of themselves, or they stayed to dive deep, but were shunned away.


I found the road, i see it now, it has everything i could ever want.
I would appreciate it more; to just be able to take one step on it would mean more than a mile with others.

There's a trial i must face before I'm given entry onto the road, a trial that would make me better in every single way, a cleansing process to be with those who walk on the road.

But if i walk, if i get back on the paved path, at the wrong moment, it brings about my destruction, in a slow and grueling way, being cast asunder, loosing all i've gained.

I have to time everything right, get back on the road at the precise moment.

But it taunts me, even now, i see it, it's called out to me, like the droplet that stayed wanting to be there but being shunned instead.


Getting on the road at the precise time is the key, or destruction is inevitable.

Not getting on at the right time leaves me lost in the woods forever, never tasting satisfaction.

But sitting here and waiting as I'm doing now, kills me slowly.

Like a circle of air around me, entering me and surging me with inspiration, keeping me alive till the time is right to get satisfaction.

With each surge a piece of the soul jerks forward, falling many times into the traps that lay around me.

They will disappears in time as long as i time everything correctly.


I see the road, it sees me, and all I'm left with is surging inspiration.
I'm watching people walk on it, as happy as can be.
I see them walk onto their destruction, having not timed their entrance on the road right.

And yet i still long to be one of them, for they step on a paved road that is forbidden to me with all the wants and desires i could ever ask for.

Their destruction should phase me, should make me stop and look and wait and plan and time properly.

The numerous traps that are around the road that circle the forest are warnings to not come near til the time is right.

But waiting destroys me too, with each blast of surging inspiration.
I lower my head to the ground, shove my hands deep into the sand, and lay down falling asleep.

The inspiration pushes deep inside me, shaking me to my core, the whispers of desire flow from the road to my ear.

My eyes watch it as it goes by.

I see them walking to their destruction, and yet i don't know if i can stop myself from not being one of them.

I push my hands deeper in the sand, and the wind keeps swirling fast into me, like sharp lines.
My trial begins and i start to succeed and a reward is presented, a curse in hiding.

The path to the road, the beautiful road, the road i wish to walk on, is freed from traps.
I'm allowed to walk onto it, free as soon as my trial ends.

Free to walk to my destruction, or wait a while longer for grace and then walk on the road at the appropriate time.

I stand taking a step towards the road.

I watch it from afar.... i watch it from afar... i watch it from afar

If i go now, temporary happiness and bliss awaits, but sure destruction comes later.

If i wait, i wait for long, not knowing exactly how long, and i risk being destroyed if i miss the timing.

I'm in the ocean with surging water droplets all around me and yet i can't grasp a single one.
I'm cursed, or gifted, with the power to see the purity of each one.
Yet even the most pure i can't have.

The true cost of inspiration is paid.

Can you wait for a time never given?
Would you sit for that time, finding it later to be a 1,000 years?

Can you seek a satisfaction promised, only seen and told about?
Or would you seek your own and be given every desire a human has ever dreamed of?
Would you risk the chance that your choice of instant gratification could possibly destroy you?

Or would you wait for a time never given, for an opportunity only seen, and a promise only whispered?

I still sit today with inspiration driving through me like knives, going through my soul, and surging emotions deep within me.

The difference is now there are no traps in front of me to get to the road i seek, now that I'm about to pass the trial of the road.

The question is... do i now walk my clear path, do i listen to the calls that beckon me from the road, or do i wait with surging inspiration tearing through me and enslaving me to my emotions?

I wait for now, tomorrow i promise to wait again, but the future has only ever been one thing, a cloudy secret of hope and uncertainty.

I feel the wind hitting me, emotions coming from the muse i pay.

A cost too high for most.

A solace never truly known to come.

A path promised, but yards away at my taking.

A curse, a gift, a hope, a choice, a feeling away from grace or destruction.

A feeling away from destruction.

A feeling away from instant gratification.

A promise I wait for, left unfulfilled, for today at least.

And a muse who enslaves me with my very own emotions.

The road whispers, it beckons, it destroys, and yet i still want it.

I hope for protection and for patience from this never ending enslavement, waiting for contentment.

And all the while I'm taunted and slashed, with surging inspiration.

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